Five little Socrates jumping on a bed.

In The Republic, Plato said - At any rate you are aware that a song or ode has three parts – the words, the melody and the rhythm...

Then beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on simplicity, – the true simplicity of a rightly and nobly ordered mind and character, not that other simplicity which is only a euphemism for folly.

Plato's pretend friend, Socrates, was of the opinion that unsuitable artists should not be allowed to live in the republic and that if any of the guardians of the republic heard a man creating rap music then the guardians should kill him.

But nobody really knows who Socrates was for he never wrote anything and there are almost as many ideas of who he was and what he believed as there were men who wrote about him.

Amateur Brain Surgeon thinks that Socrates was essentially a composite portrait of what were initially five different original thinkers jumping up and down on a philosophical bed and bumping heads with each other which brings us back to popular children’s music and the simplistic folly of children songs which are easily memorised and repeated by children because of the rhythm and rhymes but which songs are dangerous because of their content.

ABS is not sure who composed this crummy song but he would not be surprised to learn that Commie Bastid, Charles Darwin or, worse, Jane Goodall, was somehow responsible for these lunatic lyrics...

OK, ABS will now perform the song properly for you - just the way he performs it for his granddaughter, Sweet Pea who, it must be confessed, adores this version of the song.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed 
one fell off and bumped his head 
the mother called the doctor and the doctor said
What the hell is wrong with you ya crazy bastid? Monkeys are dirty and dangerous animals. Get those damn dirty apes outta there. Now!!! 

Four little monkeys jumping on the bed 
one fell off and bumped his head 
the mother called the doctor and the doctor said
What'n'hell is wrong with you? I told you to get those monkey's out of there before they attack and eat or rape your babies.

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed 
one fell off and bumped his head 
the mother called the doctor and the doctor said
Is it you again you freak? Believe me, you are asking for trouble. Your kid's bed is going to start stinking like the bottom of a monkey's cage and don't you ever get tired of those damed dirty apes flinging feces at you?

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed 
one fell off and bumped his head 
the mother called the doctor and the doctor said
Ok, I've about had it with you, you bird-brained bitch. I'm not even a veterinarian but I know those stinking apes don't belong in your kid's bedroom. Aren't you worried those monkeys will poke out your  children's eyes and either eat them or throw them at the family dog who will prolly eat them because they look like Dog Yummies.

One little monkey jumping on the bed 
it fell off and bumped his head 
the mother called the doctor and the doctor said
I warned ya. I have called Child Protective Services and they are on the way to that Ape Shit hell hole you call a house. I hope they take your kids away from you and put you in a zoo...