Pitch Perfect Politics

  Dies irae Day of wrath and doom impending, David's word with Sibyl's blending, Heaven and earth in ashes ending! O what fear man's bosom rendeth, When from Heaven the Judge descendeth, On whose sentence all dependeth! Wondrous sound the trumpet flingeth, Through earth's sepulchres it ringeth, All before the throne it bringeth. Death is struck, and nature quaking, All creation is awaking, To its Judge an answer making. Lo! the book exactly worded, Wherein all hath been recorded; Thence shall judgment be awarded. When the Judge His seat attaineth, And each hidden deed arraigneth, Nothing unavenged remaineth. What shall I, frail man, be pleading? Who for me be interceding, When the just are mercy needing? King of majesty tremendous, Who dost free salvation send us, Fount of pity, then befriend us! Think, kind Jesus my salvation Caused Thy wondrous Incarnation; Leave me not to reprobation. Faint and weary Thou hast sought me, On the Cross of suffering bought me; Shall suc

  The World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 3 Somalis  are mentally ill due to their country’s constant violence  and abuse of the Khat narcotic. Somali science however  came up with a surefire cure for the crazies. Lock the  patient up in a room with a hyena and wait for the ugly beast to  see the demons causing the madness and drive them out. Somali medicine, like American medicine, however suffers  from rising health care costs. A session with a trained  psychiatric hyena costs 560 dollars in a country where  the average national salary is 190 bucks putting a  Mogadishu trained hyena on par with a Harvard trained  psychiatrist. Somalis who can't afford to blow a three month salary  to spend time on the couch with a hyena have a more  practical solution. They tie the affected person to a tree  and leave. The hyenas usually find the patient sooner or later  and snack on him pro bono, while his kin head off to the  welfare office in Lewiston, Maine.