ABS, will you be writing a cook book?

The Essential Bacon and Eggs cooked in the Oven Recipe invented by the soi disant Roman Catholic Traditionalist, Amateur Brain Surgeon.

Line a cookie sheet with Reynold's Wrap Heavy Duty Aluminum Foil.

Lay out two pieces of Wright's Thick Applewood Smoked Bacon on the foil.

Turn the oven to 400 degrees and immediately place the cookie sheet in the oven, with the timer set for 11 minutes.

When the timer sounds, remove the cookie sheet from the oven and drain the bacon on a paper towel set upon the page(s) of the local paper you consider as lacking substance or value (any one of them or all of them).

Crack two extra large eggs into the bacon fat and place the cookie sheet back into the oven for 4 minutes.

As the eggs cook, toast two pieces of Pepperidge Farms Hearty White Bread and when the timer sounds, remove the cookie sheet from the oven and turn it off.

Put the eggs on toast and place the bacon on the side and eat breakfast while watching something worthwhile you have taped - a football game you had taped so you could watch it silently as you speed through the ads and avoid all of the racist moralising of the American-Hating players and announcers.

After breakfast, simply roll-up the paper towel and newspaper inside of the Aluminum Foil and cast all of it into the trash.

No mess, Tom Tresh (Old Yankee referent).

And that's all she wrote.

ABS, will you be writing a cook book?

Thank you for that excellent question. ABS has considered doing just that and so he posted the above recipe as an example of what such a book might contain.

Over the years, ABS has fatted-up pretty well and so many men reason; Man, he has really porked-up but not worked-out and so I wonder what he eats and how much of it he does eat?

Well, ABS is partial to any dead animal, plenty of potatoes, pasta, and meat. He specialises in seconds and fridge-raiding after The Bride conks out. In Lent, ABS will even eat the random vegetable.

Has ABS mentioned meat?  He really loves it just so long as is has been lovingly raised and finished with beer-soaked grain and then iced with exquisite compassion.

If ABS does write a cook book, you can be sure he will include his home made corned beef recipe and his justly famous Spaghetti and Meat Balls recipe with Garlic bread and all of it washed down with copies amounts of red wine.

O, and ABS recommends pre-loading * which, as Shakespeare observed, was a common practice amongst royalty back in the day



* Pre-loading means to drink a bottle of wine prior to eating. It has the salutary effect of coaxing sleep almost immediately upon completion of the scarfing-process and so eliminates the necessity of responding to questions about politics or anthropocentric global warming.