The Jet Propulsion Lab on Senator Grassley


We at ABE * Ministry visited The Jet Propulsion Lab in La Canada Flintridge, (Literally, Tough Canadians) California and we spoke to them about Senator Chuck Grassely.


In his eagerness to respond to ABS' question about the speed of thought of Senator Chuck Grassley, the corn-husking bohunk from flyover country, the white coated scientist,  Lieutenant Captain Sergeant Major Colonel, Tommy Budda Budda Gunn,  knocked over a large beaker of three mice that he was running electrical current into, and singed his lab coat on the flame of a Bunsen Burner before stumbling on a rubber mat, barely catching his balance before crashing into Amateur Brain Surgeon:

 ABS: Lieutenant Captain Sergeant Major....

 Tommy: Call me Budda Budda

 ABS: Budda, Budda, T'hell you doing boiling three mice in a beaker and running electrical...

 Tommy: We are conducting experiments on how to prevent blindness on long voyages in deep space but is that what you really wanted to talk to Budda Budda about?

 ABS. No, you are right Budda Budda. Here is the crucial question - Just how dumb is Senator Chuck Grassley; what is the speed of his thoughts?

 Tommy: O, good question. At the Jet Propulsion Laboratory we have been testing the thought speed of all men and comparing that with the speed of thought of all The United States Senators and we found Senator Grassley's thought speed to be alarmingly slow.

 ABS. Please, share...

 Tommy: Well, in the context of the human species, the electrical signals carried by the neurons can travel at, roughly, 70-130 miles per second as per the speed from the spinal cord to the muscles...

 ABS well, that sounds pretty damn fast..

 Tommy: Yes, it does; but that is for the average man. When it comes to Senator Chuck Grassley, we are talking a whole different matter - nearly a category difference - when you are referencing his, um, thoughts...

 ABS. Budda, Budda, can you reduce that sophisticated science into layman terms?

 Tommy. Yes, yes I can. The average man can think at about 100 miles per hour (Imagine a man driving a car at 100 mph) whereas Senator Chuck Grassley's thoughts are such that he would not be picked-up for speeding in a School Zone with the warning lights flashing...

 ABS. Budda, Budda, thank you so much. This research now makes it apparent why he was so easily manipulated by the democrats and repeatedly broke his own time table to accommodate his enemies.

 Tommy; Yep. He is so slow and dense we at The Jet Propulsion Lab are considering naming a Black Hole after him...

 * Against Basically Everything

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