Laundry Folding Service

Even before she was attacked by the Fifty Foot Woman, suffering a stage four hickey wound and nearly being turned into a lesbian, Bertha DaBluz *  was having a difficult time getting her Door-To-Door Laundry Folding Service off the ground.

It was not so much that it was sort of a niche business, prolly fit solely for rich and insane housewives, but her "pitch" had not yet been perfected despite literally hundreds of attempts:

Bertha knocks on the door or depresses the door bell and when she is responded to she goes right into her pitch:

Hi, are you the lady of the house? You are?  Excellent - and here she'd flash her much practiced smile -well, my name is Bertha, Bertha DaBluz.  I'm from Poland and I'd like to know if you have any laundry you'd like folded.

What, yes...that's right. I have a door-to-door laundry folding service and I..what's that, what does it cost?

Well, I'd gladly fold all of your laundry for a sleeve of Ritz Crackers.

Hang on a minute, Lady; don't close the door..Are you married?

You are..then let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen Hubby try and fold a fitted sheet? 

Traditionally, that is the most perplexing and frustrating part of the laundry folding process and I have heard many women tell me they were shocked to see their Hubby try folding a fitted sheet and they were aghast at his swearing when he couldn't even come close to doing a good job of it and then they'd hear him scream FUCK IT, and see him crumble up the sheet and angrily heave it at the hamper and I don't have to tell you..

What's that, "Days of our lives" is coming on?

No, no... I understand... do you know anybody in the neighborhood..

Dammit, you nearly slammed my nose in the door...And I am not crazy and I certainly ain't a bitch..you are.

And as she walked on to the next house, Bertha grew ever more introspective and philosophical and she reasoned:

Most of the houses in this neighborhood have unbroken glass in their windows and not one of them has goats in the yard and so maybe I'd be more successful if I changed the "Fuck It" to "Darn it."

Yep, that'll be the change that will get this business going...

and she happily marched on into what she imagined would be a very successful future


*