Understanding the China and Tibet problem

Few of you understand the Tibet - China difficulties the way Amateur Brain Surgeon does. That's understandable. So, ABS is going to analyse, explicate, summarise, and otherwise set right all of the confusing and nettlesome details which constitute the very seas of confusion upon which your personal opinions are tossed.

First things first. China and Tibet. ABS is prolly one of the few men philosophically and philologically sophisticated enough to realise that China is but an anagram of A Chin. Tibet is but an anagram of Bite T. 

Bet you didn't even realise that, did you? It's all so easy when ABS begins to break it down for you.

OK. Here is the major problem twixt China and Tibet. As you well know, China wants to maintain its virtual monopoly on Tea. Consider: "I wouldn't trade thus and such for all of the tea in China."

China has got tons of tea. A crap load. And yet, and yet...what is China? That's right. It is one huge land mass swarming with Commie Totalitarians. China is wagging its, A Chin, at Tibet and demanding that crummy little country turn over its "T's." Or else.

What is poor Tibet to do? If it does surrender its T's to China what would be the result?

Well, obviously, for one thing, China would then be TT China (which sounds like the name of a  Peking Stripper smothered in Duck Sauce).  Also, just as obvious, TT China would become the anagram - Tin Chat. Just imagine the crap them Commie Bastards could get away with at the UN if every proposal they summited was signed "Tin Chat."

One half of the assembled U. N. delegates (dog-eating goat-riding inbred socialists) would prolly just laugh and vote "yes." The free world would be screwed.

But the possibility China will ever become TT China and get to use that clever anagram is smaller than the chance an Eskimo woman will be elected the next Pope. 

Just consider. If you were the President (or whatever the hell it is they call the "leader" of that frozen mud hole) of Tibet, would YOU surrender the "T's?" Of course not. If you did, just imagine your embarrassment when you went to the U.N. and the Under-Secretary-for-Announcing-the-Arrival-of-Worthless-Bastids grabbed the International Mr. Microphone and intoned - "Ladies, and Gentleman,  now entering the  General Assembly, here is what's-his-face from I BE."

I BE? 

 T'hell is that? It sounds like the name of text a Black College would use for "Introduction to Ebonics Existentialism." Tibet is already the laughing stock of the entire civilised world;(well, next to Burkina Fasso. A country whose Capital, Ouagadougou, if you say it out loud will cause the man standing next to you to say, "excuse me?") There is no way Tibet surrenders its "T's."

But that background information merely sets the stage for this question to come bursting out from the wings and nearly trip and fall into the Orchestra Pit -  "T'Hell 's the deal with the Dalai Lama?

ABS is going to explain this one more time. If he have written about this once, he has written about this twice.

The Dalai Lama gets to become the Dalai Lama only if he is the seventh son of Mama Lama. The Dalai Lama has six older brothers:

Peyton Lama

Jerry Jeff Lama

George "Meadowlark" Lama

Conway Lama

Elvis Lama

and the sixth born male child was Obama Lama. (Phew. That was close)

So, while The Dalai Lam gets to run around the globe bitching and moaning about this that and the other thing, all of the older Lama men are running used goat lots back in Yak City, Tibet. They are sweating their asses off in  dead-end careers while, by the luck of birth order, their lil' brother gets to hang-out at the U.N. eating Roast Beef, Creamed Onions, and Garlic Smashed Taters and playing grab-ass with the Chicks in the Taiwanese Delegation which REALLY pisses-off the Commie Chinks because they think they own Taiwan - which, I ought not have to remind you, has a prominent T in its name.

Anyways. China used to be run by the so-called Gang of Four whose first names really were "Yao, Jiang, Zhang, and Wang. (ABS used to love to get stoned and listen to Led Zeppelin and when anybody asked me the name of the group members ABS would tell them "Yao, Jiang, Zhang  and Wang." That response never failed to get a laugh).

So, eventually,the Gang of Four forgot where they lived and they drank some of the local water and they died and went to Hell and they were replaced by the -  DOSE  MFN SEA BEES - well, at least that is what their nickname sounds like in English. It really means -  The Dozen of so Melon-Faced Commie Bastids.

Interesting Facts about Tibet:

 The average Yakker (Resident of Yak City, Capital of Tibet), when he is 16 yo, is able to walk under a Shetland Pony without doing the Limbo or crouching down.  

Very few Yakkers have more than one pair of shoes. Those shoes (you've prolly seen them) are little wooden platforms - or, at least that is what most foreigners think they are. In actuality, they are the very baby cradles they used to lie in when they were newborn (the Tibetan word for "newborn," it is claimed by natives, does not mean "cursed").

Because China has so many restrictions on imports, Yakkers must brush their teeth with frozen mud and lichen. This results in very sharp teeth and causes much embarrassment which is why one sees such little public laughter in the Capital of Tibet.

Most Native Tibetan (Yakkers) men are employed by those English Poofters who hike-up Everest. The Natives carry their salami and cheese sammiches, potato chips, and Snickers and they trudge along dutifully behind the English idiots who, occasionally, just keel over dead from lack of oxygen and fall into a crevasse where thy just become human litter.

Whatever.

In any event, that is what Amateur Brain Surgeon knows about all this China-Tibet B.S. He hopes it has been helpful